I wish you would listen to me. I really wish you would, but we both know that you won’t. You are too trapped in your realm of depression. You are also still a hormonal teenager that is stuck. I know. But, I am writing this now. To you, my younger self. The personality I wrote as in my poetry books. The one that was me.
Grace, or rather Chandra, I want you to know that one day, all shall be well. It will not be amazing. But, you know that there is nothing amazing in store for you. I am 23 years old now. You are still 17. We are still close in age, but I have overcome obstacles that you have yet to face.
You are still a high school girl. You still have those demons. I know. There’s Ana. There’s Mia. There’s the anxiety, depression, and self harm addict. You are still not liked. You feel so very isolated and terrified. You are not yet to the point where you will talk about your past. But, that’s okay. You will get there.
I want you to know, that I kinda love you now. I know you loathe us. I know you despise us. I can not even begin to articulate the darkness in our head. Just know, that one day, it goes quieter. Bearable.
You will try college; fail. Miserably. Drop out. Move back home. Sleep on the floor. Sleep on the couch. Walk to work for miles. Save like you have never saved before to get out. You’ll get out. You’ll expand. You’ll find love where you least expect it and come to cherish it. You will stop cutting yourself to bits and pieces every single day. Your scars will fade to thin lines. Your triggers will become more… Or, rather less, triggering. Guess what? You’ll get promotions. You’ll become someone in a company. You’ll gain and lose friends. You will meet a lot of people. YOU WILL GET TO TRAVEL AND GO ON ADVENTURES!
Grace, you’ll change into Chandy. We will still be a work in progress. Sure. But we are further down the road. Maybe a future version of us is writing something similar. Trying to give us advice or just tell us it will be alright. Yeah, we will not listen because we are stubborn. But it is the thought that counts.
Grace, you got this. You really do. Just breathe. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.