I have no response. I have no hopes. I have nothing to give. Nothing left to offer. What am I even doing with myself? What am I doing with myself? What is this mundane madness? There is no room left to react. Nothing left to do. What am I even doing with my life?
Who am I? I know nothing. I stumbled. I fall. I do not recognize this face looking back at me in the mirror. Who am I?
I have never tried harder in my life. I have never fought so hard for someone. Yet, it feels... It feels like I am running uphill on ice.
I wish I could make you understand there is no logic. No reason. Nothing to justify my feelings. The void is swallowing me. I am drowning. I do not know when I slipped in. I also do not know when I shall slip back out of the depths.
That I am not perfect. Not ideal. I get emotional. Have these outbursts. Do not know how to handle myself. I can not contain myself sometimes. The emotions. Insanity. I am sorry I am not perfect. But thank you for loving me regardless of my flaws.
Even after a little over two years, I sometimes feel the temptation. My arm got a little cut. A small little ouchie. Nothing to fret over. Yet. Moments later.... I felt it. The excitement. The anticipation. The need for more. The demons giggled. Giggled. They tried to pet my hair. The darkness skittered on the…
(Originally posted to Instagram @chandygrace )
Is this what it is like to Tremble on the edge? Is this what it is like to Freeze before the plunge? Is this what it is like to Be lost and not found? Is this what it is like to Give into the feeling of falling?
I was fine. I was fine. I was fine. Roll over in the morning, I see your face. I smile and feel butterflies. I get up. I brush my teeth. I braid my hair. Get dressed and spray on perfume. A kiss and off to work. I worked. I laughed. I had fun. I was…
My life has seemingly amounted to nothing. I feel like an absolute failure. I truly do. I have dropped out of college. I have not done anything with my life. I am not achieving any goals. I am not doing anything. Stop. Stop. Stop. You need to stop thinking like that. You really do. In…