I met you again. My stomach dropped. It was full of dread. My lungs collapsed. My heart ceased to exist. Irrational thoughts swirled. An attack, triggered. No escape in sight.
My feet are not staying on the path. My shoes are worn. I wanted to go left. So bad. But I tripped on a rock, fell forward, and rolled right. All these years, I was told to turn a certain way. When I stumbled, I fell away from that destination. And I have never felt…
Have you ever changed something in your life that you can not stop thinking about? Not with regret, just constant thinking. It consumes your mind when you least expect it. You're not obsessing over it. Yet. You just can not stop it from randomly popping up.
My brain. So painfully stagnant.
The urge to purge. The urge to relapse. The urge to run. The urge to cry. The urge to breakdown. The urge to hide. The urge to.....
So loud. So loud. I can not hear you. I can NOT hear YOU! You are so loud, I can not understand.
We are not strangers. We have danced too many times in the past to different tunes.
I can still hear their voices. So loud. So loud. Calling. Crying. Screaming out to me. Every second grows harder. My desire is to listen. But. I can not let that happen. If I give in. I will. Fall. Back into that dark pit. Go around and around in circles. I do not want to…
The air is thick. My heart beats slower and slower every moment. Laying down, looking up, I have nothing to see. There is no future. There is no end. I can not inhale this poison any longer. Why? Why? Why? I just find no reason. There is nothing left.
I did it. I finally got a piece published on Thought Catalog. It only took months. I finally got it on there. And, in a few days, my piece has managed to get almost 2,000 views. It was featured on their Facebook page. It was thrilling. And I feel motivated.